The Void

 

I guess I am on holidays now. I have no work lined up, I only have one more home improvement project (and that is on hold for a while), all my children and grandchildren are away, busylizzy is working, and here I sit, enjoying a cup of coffee and the good feeling of just having gone on a long early morning walk. The sun is shining, yet the air is cool, my computer is trouble free, and I am healthy and feeling quite well. Life is good.

I have found that no longer having to care for my dad has been a huge burden lifted from my shoulders. Not that I actually did 'hands on' care, but the non tangibles were what I did on a very regular basis for so many years. If that sounds callous, it is not. We have friends who are going through somewhat the same thing now, but more intense. We love our aging parents and we do what we have to and want to do, but it is still a burden and point of stress if we are honest.  It is not unlike a toddler finally being potty trained, or a teenager growing up and finding his or her own way in life. It is a sure eventuality, and when it comes there is relief.

Having said that, there is bit of a void that takes getting used to. It almost feels like selfishness, to enjoy the freedom, which is what the void really is.

I realise, as I revel in my good feelings of this Monday morning, stress free, that there is another stage of life coming, or perhaps another event, that could take that freedom away. The tension of being between difficult times is constantly there. I do not dwell on it, nor do I worry about it, but simply try to concentrate on how good it feels in the moment.

I think I will have some chocolate to make it complete.