Working Man Blues

Late September near Osoyoos BC.

 

This last week was a struggle for me at work. Each morning, on the commute to Mission, I wondered how I would get through the day. "Take it one hour at a time," I would tell myself. Somehow I managed to complete the week.

Another mind game I played, helped me somewhat. I talked myself into thinking that this was the last time I was ever going to do a certain task. I actually did this twice in one day. I feel obligated to be true to myself and keep my word.

I am finding certain elements of my work more and more difficult. I ease the burden of work, usually, by carrying on a dialogue with my customers, but on our recent job, I have had to hold my tongue because it was not my contract, but my partner's and I overstepped the boundary on the first day. So, I had to live with my thoughts for the rest of the week.

As you can see, dear reader, I am struggling with the transition to retirement. I struggle between fits of energy and times of deep fatigue, enthusiasm and lethargy, joy of work and drudgery of work. I want to, and then I don't want to. Self employment has always offered freedom of choice, and now that freedom is getting me down. I would almost prefer if someone fired me. I am the only one that can do that, and I cannot decide if I should or not.