Three Years Ago

 

This weekend was the third anniversary of the death of our dear friend, Erv Doerksen. We drove up the TransCanada Highway through the Fraser Canyon, just past Lytton, and stopped beside the road where Erv's family has set up a modest memorial. It is at the edge of a pullout, directly across the highway from where Erv died. There is a cross, some flowers, and an engraved rubber placard with some beautiful words written about the circumstances that day, and about Erv.

 

Since we were there last, the Department of Highways has erected a massive set of netting and barricades to catch any falling rocks that might come down, thus preventing another tragedy that may befall some other driver on this beautiful road.

 

Just beyond the memorial, one can look over the edge of the bluff and see the railroad tracks below. While we were there, two full length trains powered their way westward.

I stood at the edge, looking down, admiring the river, almost at flood stage, and the powerful rapids, swirling around the huge submerged boulders in the river bed. I felt the warm breeze on my face, the hot sun on my back, and I inhaled the wonderful aroma of sage. This is truly a beautiful spot, but there was something else there. I could feel Erv. I realise that my mind was occupied with memories of him, our discussion was about Erv, and as I looked at the mountains around me, I again realised that this was the last sight that Erv saw with his eyes this side of Heaven. But still, it was as if Erv was saying to me, " As beautiful as this scene is, it is only a foretaste of what I am experiencing now. Observe, take it in, marvel at it, but do not hold too tightly to it, or to anything in this world. It is all fleeting."

I would have loved nothing better at that very moment than to sit with Erv, on the edge of that bluff, watch those trains go by, and have a deep conversation about hanging on. It would have been the thing to do were he there with me in person.

Sad Anniversary

Erv's bench on the Sumas River. Photo taken from the opposite bank.

I awoke at 5 am and immediately my mind became active, dredging up the memories. It was the second anniversary of Erv's untimely passing and a few of us guys, friends of Erv, had planned to walk out to Erv's bench. It was a cool, cloudy day, not unlike the day, one year ago, when the bench was placed and dedicated. The night before, I had been reading in Isaiah, and a passage struck me as being appropriate for the occasion.

Isaiah 55: 8-13

⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
⁹ “As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

We are still struggling with the "why". Understanding that God is all-knowing and sees the big picture is still the only comfort we can find. His ways and thoughts are so above ours, so, of course we do not understand.  

¹⁰ As the rain and the snow
come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
¹¹ so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

I first met Erv when he was teaching an adult Sunday School class. He immediately caught my attention as someone who was intelligent and articulate, someone interesting to listen to because not only did he think outside the box, he had an unconventional use of language and imagery, enhanced by a wonderful vocabulary. Since then, he and his wife, Deloris, led several Care groups, including the one we were in together for many years. He taught and challenged with God's word so this passage struck me as being a good reason for Erv's time here on Earth, among many other reasons.

¹² You will go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
will clap their hands.

When I first went to the crash site a few days after the fatal accident, I stood on the road a few yards from where Erv would have taken his last breath. I looked around me and saw the incredible cliffs and rock faces of the Fraser Canyon, with its dusty rose covered rock and rubble. It was a steep drop to the river, and the view as he was going around bend was an incredible vista. It happened in the early morning when the light was warm and the shadows were long, and what he saw, at the last moment, before he knew what hit him, was "the mountains and the hills and the trees, bursting forth in song", declaring the creativity of God.   

¹³ Instead of the thorn bush will grow the juniper,
and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord’s renown,
for an everlasting sign,
that will endure forever.”

This verse speaks of hope and renewal. We know that Erv is "renewed" and our continued prayer is that his family will also experience renewal where right now, even three years later, there is still "thorn bush and briers". May the sweet, warm rains of God's love and mercy fall into your lives and bring renewal to the dry ground.

Erv's Bench

Today was the one year anniversary of the death of our dear friend Erv Doerksen. His family paid a very special tribute to him. As you can see by the photo, we went for a walk in the rain to participate in this special tribute.

After a 15 minute walk on the lush forest trails, we came to McKay Creek, which empties into the Sumas River.

It is beside the footbridge over the creek, and overlooking the Sumas River, where Deloris and her family had a memorial park bench installed in Erv's memory.

It is in a very restful shady spot, with a great view. We were the first to arrive.

Soon there were fifty people there, all caring enough to come straight from work to walk down a muddy path and through the rain.

Deloris was there with her kids and grand kids.

Erv's very best friend, Ernie, was there.

Erv's mom was a real trooper and braved the long walk with her cane.

If I said that I have thought about Erv every single day since his death, it would not be 100% accurate, but it would be close. My memories are strong enough, recent enough, and fond enough to almost accomplish a perfect score, but what really does it for me are all the reminders in my everyday life.

Every Sunday night I think about Erv. It was our Care Group night, and he was our leader.

Every Sunday morning, I glance over to the section of seats, in church, where Erv and Delores usually sat. As the service progresses, I often think, "Erv would really dislike that music." Or, "Erv would really like that sermon today. We have to discuss that at Care Group or on one of our walks." 

Every time I see Deloris I think of  Erv. I often see the strain in her face and know that she is still struggling. 

Whenever I see Erv's grand kids in church, I think of Erv and how much he would be enjoying those beautiful children. 

When I hear Jazz, I think of Erv. 

When I see a kayak, I think of Erv. 

Whenever I used to pass a Scamp truck, I would strain to see through the windshield to see if it was Erv, and sometimes it was. When next I saw him, I would ask if he was in such and such a location on a certain day at a certain time, just to confirm. Today, when I see a Scamp truck, I look, not for Erv, for I know he is not behind the wheel, but because it has become a habit and I like to be reminded that I used to be able to see him by chance, anytime, anywhere. 

I recently bought one of his books at our annual Mwanza fund raising garage sale, and I will be reminded of him every time I see it or pick it up. 

And now, there is another reminder. There is a park bench, strategically placed in one of his favourite places to walk, a marvelous place to contemplate life with Erv, and life without Erv. It will be particularly meaningful to me because Erv and I used to walk past that very spot on our way to MacDonald Park. Whether through rain or sunshine, we would eat up the miles, deep in meaningful conversation, but always stopping to marvel at the beauty around us. He would bring his binoculars along, eager to see a rare species of water fowl, or an eagle on a distant treetop.

One time, before we knew it, we had walked six kilometres, and it dawned on us that we were a bit tired, but now we had to walk back. After a brief rest, we headed back. When we finally returned to the parking lot where our vehicle was, it hit me how 'done in' I was, but never once on the walk did I notice it. Conversation with Erv was like that. Totally engrossing. 

Henceforth, when I walk to Mackay Creek, or beyond, I will not walk past the bench. I will sit and contemplate. I will remember Erv, and then I will take great delight in imagining what it will be like to see him again. I know I will.    

Trip of Memories

After several attempts at making arrangements, we finally managed to get a good part of our Care Group together to make the trip to the  Fraser Canyon and the site of the catastrophe that took our dear friend Erv. We met at Hope and ate breakfast at a favourite spot of Erv's, the 'Home Restaurant'. Another hour down the road and we drove through Lytton where we checked the odometer and counted down the kilometers to the scene. We came around a curve about 11 kms later and there it was, not nearly as dangerous looking as I thought it would be. The white cross, just barely visible, is the exact location where the rock struck Erv's cab. Above is the view as you drive north, the direction Erv was driving that early morning of June 2, 2010. 

This is the same slope but looking at it going southbound from the left shoulder. You can see that it is steep, but not very high at all, considering the rugged terrain in the area.

About 100 yards farther down the road, you can plainly see where the big rig, laden with a full load of fuel, eased off the road and fell onto its right side, rupturing the diesel fuel tanks as you can see by the dark stains. None of the highly flammable cargo was released, but only the fuel that drove the truck engine, avoiding a fireball and complete disaster.

This is the same scene looking southbound with the slope in the background that released the large rock.

Here we are, Lis, Delores, Heidi, Bill, Ella, and Henry, standing beside the cross that Erv's family erected in his memory. We each collected a stone or two as a reminder of the trip and of Erv.

Click on the photo to see more detail. We race by these at the roadsides and scarcely pay attention to them, not realising the grief and pain that each one represents, until it is one of our own loved ones. I will look at these crosses differently in the future and have more understanding as to why people do this.

If Erv was looking forward and to his left on that fateful morning, this is the last thing he would have seen.

Because he was sitting high in the cab of a big rig, and were he looking down and to his left, this is the spectacular view he would have had just before entering God's Glory.

And had his truck veered to the left instead of where it gently glided to, this is the where he would have gone down, a thousand feet to a CN railroad track and the Thompson River below.

Ken and Jan, and Frank and Elma have been here on their own. It is a place we will forever remember as we pass by. We made a decision to make an annual trek to this site in the future. Further down the road a few kilometers is a wonderfull little camp site called 'Gold Pan'. It was there that we went for our picnic lunch and to process what we had just seen. It is a peaceful and beautiful spot. More photos of that later.  

Healing

I can be doing the most routine things when suddenly and unexpectedly, it hits me. For example, this morning, while singing in church, I was suddenly, struck with a wave of sadness as I looked to my left, to the spot where I would see Erv and Delores, if his work schedule allowed him to attend the Sunday morning service. It struck me that he would never be there again. He would never listen intently to the sermon with the thought in mind that we would all be discussing it later in the day during our Sunday evening meeting. Never. The finality is what strikes me. Would we have known the future, we could have savoured the last moments, but as it turned out, the last moments were just what they always were. 

How does one go through life treasuring every moment as if it were the last? One hears of this from those who have had a near death experience. One's perspective and priorities are changed dramatically and forever. Can a person function with a renewed perspective like this? I believe we must say yes to that question. Having a renewed gratitude for life itself, is life changing. Treasuring the small blessings in life makes a person fun to be with as nobody likes a person with a continued negative attitude. Loving those around you as though they might be taken from you at any time would have a profound effect on relationships, for the good. 

I have lost friends over the years, but none have had the effect on me that Erv's loss has had. I honestly think I speak for many others too when I say that, and in that, I can find consolation and even a reason for his death. I am beginning to see some changes being brought about and it is comforting to know that one can influence others in life and in death. It gives meaning to the fact that loved ones are sometimes taken tragically and suddenly and with no apparent immediate reason. 

It is said that time heals and it is true. Those that are left, process the new reality, and other thoughts eventually fill in where only grief lived before. But also, it becomes apparent with time, that there is a reason for everything. God does not make mistakes, nor is he surprised by anything, but it often takes Him a long time to convince us that He knows what He is doing. We are slow learners. And in understanding, and finding a reason, comes healing.   

A Gray Day in the Park

It was a few days after Erv's death that one of the men in the Care Group suggested that just the guys get together to remember Erv. We wanted to do it in a pretty spot near some water so we chose Macdonald Park, a central location for us all. We found that last night was a convenient time for us all and we met there around 7 pm. 
We walked along Sumas River dyke for 6 Km. reminiscing and telling stories all the way. It was a cool gray evening, but there was  no wind and the water was calm and reflective. It was quite a beautiful evening as we made our way back to the picnic shelter where we shared some refreshments and again, in a more formal way, remembered Erv. Ian and I each read some scripture and recalled how Erv was somewhat 'outside the box' except for his faith. There he was rock solid and quite orthodox. It was cathartic for us all and it became a valuable tool which has helped us all to heal from the pain of such a great loss. 
It really was a perfect evening in everyway, except one. Our friend Erv was missing and would so have enjoyed it.

Erv's Memorial Service

I sit at my keyboard tonight and I feel drained. Drained of energy, and drained of emotion. It was a day of highs and lows. It was a day I was looking forward to and a day I was dreading. I was not sure what to expect when we entered the church today for Erv Doerksen's Memorial Service. It is one of those things that you can only take as it comes. As we were ushered to the front of the church, I found it bittersweet to see Erv's kayak and boots displayed front and centre, in the midst of a beautiful floral display created by Erv's good friend Jan Martens, one of our Care Group members. Jan knew Erv longer than any of us, even before he married Delores.

One is remembered by what his interests were and by the people he touched during his lifetime. And so we were reminded that Erv was an avid adventurer and outdoors man, and a man who loved Jazz and The Blues. The service was predominantly a recitation of memories of Erv, starting with his two sisters Laurene and Valerie. It was a warm, humorous and emotional journey they took us on as they recounted Erv's early life, born in Alberta and then moving to Ontario before his adventures "out west" began. I was laughing one moment, crying the next as the ladies poured out their admiration and love for their big brother. I have heard so many stories of Erv's life but never in chronological order like this. It made more sense this way and gave me an insight as to how he became the man that he was.

Then Ernie, Erv's "forever buddy" gave a long dialogue about Erv's adventures and his characteristics of friendship. I could have listened to that man all day. He gave a very intelligent and articulate account of his friendship with Erv and as he was speaking I said to myself over and over that what he was saying was so true, and yet I could never have put it quite like that. I could see why he and Erv were such good friends for all their lives. They are similar in many ways, on the same wave length, one might say. Erv had spoken to me of Ernie several times, but I had never met him.

In the program, there was a tribute given to the company that Erv worked for. They were described as "the best company in the world". That is high praise! When the president of the company stepped to the podium and spoke of Erv, I came to understand why that accolade was given. Jay Campbell gave an impassioned account of how he met Erv, how Erv impacted him, and how Erv also impacted the company for the better. In a personal chat with him later, he recounted how Erv was such a large part of their success. He was the second driver from outside the family that they hired and it was the best thing they ever did. Erv was known throughout the company simply as #1. Jay told us all the employees and drivers would be wearing lapel pins henceforth, as a tribute to Erv, with #1 imprinted on them. They will also be naming a lane into the property 'Erv Doerksen Way'. They just recently gave a donation to the Children's Hospital in Erv's name. How wonderful to see a large successful company give such accolades to one of its employees.

It was then time for Erv's kids to take the podium. His son, daughter, their spouses, and their children stood by as Peter, the son, spoke for them all. What a difficult task, but so well done. Peter has large shoes to fill, but I can see that happening. During the slide show of Erv's life, there were some photos of a young Erv when I was sure I was seeing Peter. Peter's wife Sherena, a wonderful photographer, put the photos together and did a masterful job. Later during the reception, the slide show was playing and it was difficult to take one's eyes off of it. I discovered later that she had help from Ian, Erv's kayaking buddy and sometime member of our Care Group. Ian's passion is also photography and you can see some of his work from the link on the sidebar of this blog.

Our Pastor Vic tried to make sense of Erv's death by giving us a few word pictures which for me, at least, were helpful. Heidi, another one of our Care Group, played flute, as only she can, as the guests were dismissed and ushered to the reception. It was there that I connected with many people, some I had not seen for many years, but we all had Erv in common. Again there were tears shed, but also some laughter as we recounted stories.

I really had no idea that Erv had impacted so many lives. Some would have said that he had missed his calling, that he should have been a teacher, or a pastor, or an academic, but I can see that he did not miss his calling at all. We spoke of that on the beach in Mexico not long ago. He told me that he had not pursued goals and dreams but found it an adventure to take life as it comes and make the best of it. It had been a great lesson to me that no matter who we are or what we do, we can make our lives count. The faith that he lived out in such practical terms touched everyone he met. He was authentic and as Jay, his boss said, virtuous, and in such a consistent way, that everyone at his memorial felt exactly the same way about him.

Will they say that about me some day? I have learned something valuable from my friend Erv both from his life and in his death.

What now remains is a trip to the location where Erv took his last breath, a gathering of some of his good guy friends to reminisce and share stories, and of course, to help Delores in what ever way we can to re-invent her life. We will wait for time to heal the wounds and the hurting hearts, and as that happens, we will always recall, with a smile on our lips, our good friend, Erv. His constant theme in life was joy, so we can do no less.

On Hold

As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-
with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.
Psalm 103: 15 - 18

In remembrance of Erv, my usual blogging is on hold for a few days.

Erv, I Remember You

I spent about an hour on Saturday afternoon writing this post and was half way through when the whole piece just disappeared. There is an automatic save feature that 'saves' what has been written every few minutes just in case something crashes. It did not work and all was lost. Everything. What I am I to make of this? Perhaps I was being too long winded. In any event, I will begin again, with a condensed version.

For the last three days I have had an opportunity to talk to many of Erv's friends at length and it has been therapeutic. On Friday evening our Care Group convened to remember Erv, to laugh, to cry, to pray, and to try to make some sense out of his passing. We all die, not one of us knowing the day nor the hour, but the random accuracy of Erv's death is what I struggle with the most. I find it helpful to concentrate on my many good memories of a most remarkable man, Erv Doerksen.

I first met Erv in 1986 when I sat in on an adult Sunday School class that he was teaching. I was quite taken with his intellect, his 'turn of phrase', his vocabulary, and his unique insights into Biblical truths. It was not until at a wedding a few years later when we were formally introduced to each other. He recognised me from church, was pleased to meet me and made me feel like he was genuinely interested in me. Erv was good at that. He was the poster boy for Dale Carnegie's book "How to Win Friends and Influence People". I felt as though he would be willing and pleased to get together with me sometime later. Little did I realise that it would happen a short time later when two orphan Care Groups from church amalgamated and we became the group that met on Sunday nights. I was thrilled that he offered to be our study leader and with his communications and teaching skills and his wife Delores's gift of hospitality, we had a really good thing going right from the start.

I began to appreciate Erv more as the years went by. We seemed to enjoy each other's company and would go for long walks where we would have fantastic discussions and debates and we were able to stimulate each other's thinking. I always looked forward to any time I could spend with Erv, alone, and uninterrupted. Our walks would take us for miles, both of us oblivious to time or distance. We would get home exhausted and then continue over a cold drink or a cup of coffee, depending on the weather. I always parted company with him wanting more.

He was a cohesive force in our care group. We scheduled our studies around his driving time table. He worked 4 days and then four days off, so his time off did not always co-ordinate with a Sunday evening. We always somehow muddled through the times he was not there, but would appreciate him so much more when he returned. He was such a great discussion leader, able to draw us out with his comments and gentle questions. His commentaries on the subject of the night were always interesting and you knew he had spent time preparing and thinking about what he was going to say. He had a way of giving value to everything that was said in the group. Nobody ever felt that their contribution went ignored or was inferior. This is what endeared Erv to so many people, to the many who call him 'their best friend". He gave value to everyone he met and would never talk behind one's back. If he had a slightly negative comment to make about someone, it would be tempered with grace and a corresponding positive statement. The only thing that I recall that really irked him were the "bad drivers out there". Coming from a consummate professional award winning driver, it was understandable.
In February of this year, I found a deal on a one week vacation to Mexico and called the members of the Care Group to see who wanted to come with busylizzy and me. When I talked to Erv from the travel agents desk, he jumped at it and gave his credit card number over the phone. As it turned out, he and Delores were the only ones that came with us. We had vacationed with others in the group before, but never with Erv and Delores. We were pumped and really looking forward to it. We were not disappointed. We spent the next week together and had the most memorable time. We lingered at every meal, morning, noon, and night, we sat for hours at the poolside or on the ocean beach, or we walked for miles on the shores of Banderas Bay with our bare feet in the sand and surf. All the while, we were bonding. Erv and I had endless discussions about legacy, the influence of parents and grandparents, politics, our faith, the future of our Care Group, our church and its wonderful leadership, retirement, and just anything else of value. There was not time for small talk, and that is another thing I liked about Erv. It was always meaningful conversation but spiked with good doses of humour. I saw Erv's tender side many times as we talked about our kids and grand kids. We gave each other insights as to how God has lead us throughout our lives. We found that despite our different life experiences, we had a lot in common, but we also explored the differences. We talked late into the night, and would pick up again at the breakfast table, warmed by the tropical sun. As the days progressed we both became more relaxed and were quite undone when the week was over. We vowed that the next time it would two weeks or nothing at all.

When we returned, it was evident that our relationship had taken a good step forward. I knew now that even if the Care Group disbanded, I had a good friend for life. The following months were difficult ones in which to schedule regular Care Group meetings, but we did have some very good ones. The last meeting was only three days before Erv's death. Every member of the group was there. He was happy and relaxed and as usual did such a great job. When he would arrive at the home where we met, he would always ask each one of us how our week was. He really wanted to know. On Sunday, we reviewed the sermon of that morning and he had each one of speak to the topic which was legalism. He wanted to know the environment of each of our up-bringings and if there was legalism or a perception of legalism in our homes and how that impacted or did not impact our thinking on grace, today. It was interesting and we all learned a bit more about each other. I found his story about his grandfather's advice to him insightful and helpful. We prayed after and he closed, as usual, with a wonderful prayer, articulate and inspired. It was a wonderful evening, particularly so. He usually rose at around 3 am on his first day back on the road and Monday was the start of his rotation. We all left and said our goodbyes. I waved to him as we backed out of the driveway, never to see him again, in this life.
What I wouldn't give for just one more time.

Erv's Tribute From His Company

http://www.scamptransport.com/

A Tragedy Beyond Words

I have let a day or two pass before attempting to put any kind of words to a tragic death on Wednesday morning at 6:30 am in the Fraser Canyon. My very good friend, Erv Doerksen, who has been a professional truck driver almost all his life, was killed on the road, doing what he loved doing. An oncoming witness described what happened. A 400 lb. rock fell off the face of the cliff and struck Erv's cab squarely. The fuel tanker truck he was operating slowed as it angled toward a shallow ditch against the cliff face. The witness stopped and ran to the truck and saw immediately that Erv was dead, killed instantly.
I cannot describe the incredible sense of loss we all feel. We went to his home Wednesday evening and Delores, his wife, was surrounded by family and friends and the tears were flowing. Having been in their home countless times, I could not help but listen for his voice and watch for his friendly face to appear miraculously to welcome all the unexpected guests. He would have loved the big crowd and would have got another pot of coffee going. There is a huge hole in my heart. I miss him incredibly already even though I just saw him on Sunday.
I will pay him tribute on this blog spot in the near future.