Erv, I Remember You

I spent about an hour on Saturday afternoon writing this post and was half way through when the whole piece just disappeared. There is an automatic save feature that 'saves' what has been written every few minutes just in case something crashes. It did not work and all was lost. Everything. What I am I to make of this? Perhaps I was being too long winded. In any event, I will begin again, with a condensed version.

For the last three days I have had an opportunity to talk to many of Erv's friends at length and it has been therapeutic. On Friday evening our Care Group convened to remember Erv, to laugh, to cry, to pray, and to try to make some sense out of his passing. We all die, not one of us knowing the day nor the hour, but the random accuracy of Erv's death is what I struggle with the most. I find it helpful to concentrate on my many good memories of a most remarkable man, Erv Doerksen.

I first met Erv in 1986 when I sat in on an adult Sunday School class that he was teaching. I was quite taken with his intellect, his 'turn of phrase', his vocabulary, and his unique insights into Biblical truths. It was not until at a wedding a few years later when we were formally introduced to each other. He recognised me from church, was pleased to meet me and made me feel like he was genuinely interested in me. Erv was good at that. He was the poster boy for Dale Carnegie's book "How to Win Friends and Influence People". I felt as though he would be willing and pleased to get together with me sometime later. Little did I realise that it would happen a short time later when two orphan Care Groups from church amalgamated and we became the group that met on Sunday nights. I was thrilled that he offered to be our study leader and with his communications and teaching skills and his wife Delores's gift of hospitality, we had a really good thing going right from the start.

I began to appreciate Erv more as the years went by. We seemed to enjoy each other's company and would go for long walks where we would have fantastic discussions and debates and we were able to stimulate each other's thinking. I always looked forward to any time I could spend with Erv, alone, and uninterrupted. Our walks would take us for miles, both of us oblivious to time or distance. We would get home exhausted and then continue over a cold drink or a cup of coffee, depending on the weather. I always parted company with him wanting more.

He was a cohesive force in our care group. We scheduled our studies around his driving time table. He worked 4 days and then four days off, so his time off did not always co-ordinate with a Sunday evening. We always somehow muddled through the times he was not there, but would appreciate him so much more when he returned. He was such a great discussion leader, able to draw us out with his comments and gentle questions. His commentaries on the subject of the night were always interesting and you knew he had spent time preparing and thinking about what he was going to say. He had a way of giving value to everything that was said in the group. Nobody ever felt that their contribution went ignored or was inferior. This is what endeared Erv to so many people, to the many who call him 'their best friend". He gave value to everyone he met and would never talk behind one's back. If he had a slightly negative comment to make about someone, it would be tempered with grace and a corresponding positive statement. The only thing that I recall that really irked him were the "bad drivers out there". Coming from a consummate professional award winning driver, it was understandable.
In February of this year, I found a deal on a one week vacation to Mexico and called the members of the Care Group to see who wanted to come with busylizzy and me. When I talked to Erv from the travel agents desk, he jumped at it and gave his credit card number over the phone. As it turned out, he and Delores were the only ones that came with us. We had vacationed with others in the group before, but never with Erv and Delores. We were pumped and really looking forward to it. We were not disappointed. We spent the next week together and had the most memorable time. We lingered at every meal, morning, noon, and night, we sat for hours at the poolside or on the ocean beach, or we walked for miles on the shores of Banderas Bay with our bare feet in the sand and surf. All the while, we were bonding. Erv and I had endless discussions about legacy, the influence of parents and grandparents, politics, our faith, the future of our Care Group, our church and its wonderful leadership, retirement, and just anything else of value. There was not time for small talk, and that is another thing I liked about Erv. It was always meaningful conversation but spiked with good doses of humour. I saw Erv's tender side many times as we talked about our kids and grand kids. We gave each other insights as to how God has lead us throughout our lives. We found that despite our different life experiences, we had a lot in common, but we also explored the differences. We talked late into the night, and would pick up again at the breakfast table, warmed by the tropical sun. As the days progressed we both became more relaxed and were quite undone when the week was over. We vowed that the next time it would two weeks or nothing at all.

When we returned, it was evident that our relationship had taken a good step forward. I knew now that even if the Care Group disbanded, I had a good friend for life. The following months were difficult ones in which to schedule regular Care Group meetings, but we did have some very good ones. The last meeting was only three days before Erv's death. Every member of the group was there. He was happy and relaxed and as usual did such a great job. When he would arrive at the home where we met, he would always ask each one of us how our week was. He really wanted to know. On Sunday, we reviewed the sermon of that morning and he had each one of speak to the topic which was legalism. He wanted to know the environment of each of our up-bringings and if there was legalism or a perception of legalism in our homes and how that impacted or did not impact our thinking on grace, today. It was interesting and we all learned a bit more about each other. I found his story about his grandfather's advice to him insightful and helpful. We prayed after and he closed, as usual, with a wonderful prayer, articulate and inspired. It was a wonderful evening, particularly so. He usually rose at around 3 am on his first day back on the road and Monday was the start of his rotation. We all left and said our goodbyes. I waved to him as we backed out of the driveway, never to see him again, in this life.
What I wouldn't give for just one more time.