After a wet and uneventful Halloween night, with relatively few begging goblins at the door, I checked the latest news on the Internet. The article on the new 10 year renewable passports intrigued me so I clicked on it and immediately started laughing, until I realised it was Halloween and not April's Fool Day.
Naturally, Canadians being the cynical bunch that they are, had nothing but criticism for the water mark images on the pages of the new and revised travel document.
Initially, the main beef was that the images are "musty and dusty" and give the impression that nothing new had happened in Canada in the last 50 years.
After spending $53,000.00 on focus groups, the criticism now, is that there is a lack of ethnic diversity portrayed. Remember the trouble a while back when the Chinese lady on the $100 bill was neutralized? Now the multiculture Nazis think that the visible minorities of Canada should not only be represented on the passports, but they should be front and center and highly recognisable. We just cannot win. Read the article here.
So, in the spirit of true fairness to the entire mosaic of our Canadian population, and the icons of our national identity, here is my list of demands for watermark images on the new passports.
- A hearty bowl of Borscht to represent all the Russians, Ukrainians, and Mennonites who settled the prairie provinces.
- A robust marijuana plant to represent the economic diversity of the Fraser Valley and the many ethnicities who participate in this lucrative industry.
- A size large band-aid to represent the broken Health Care system from sea to shining sea.
- A large hockey stick tangled in cobwebs to represent our broken NHL.
- A donut and cup of coffee to represent our loyalty to Tim Horton's and our true Canadian pastime.
- A cup of Starbucks coffee to represent all those Canadians who do not know what bad coffee is.
- A depiction of a moose being chased by an RCMP along a bike lane, through the tar sands, over a pipeline with protesters hugging nearby trees singing Koombya.
If these images are not included in the re-vamped passports, I will be greatly offended and will bring my case to the Human Rights tribunal where the government will pay all my legal fees and after a three year battle, all the way to the supreme court, I will have enough credibility to form my own political party and will contend for the primeministership of our great country and I WILL defeat Justin Trudeau. Just watch me.
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