Testing Paper

For the last two years I worked as a paper tester, the mill was running 4 days on and 4 days off. That meant that our shifts were 12 hours long and it also meant plenty of overtime pay. Spending 12 hours a day in the same place makes one have enduring memories of what happened. I never took a picture of the interior of the mill but I could walk through it blindfolded today if it were still standing. I remember most of the tests I did on the paper also.
The most important test was moisture content which related to the paper's strength. The strength was important because if the paper was too moist, it would tear in the machine and that would cause a huge problem and lost time. The paper sample was weighed, then heated and dried, and then weighed again. The % of moisture was always critical.
The smoothness of the paper was critical to the newspaper publisher, as was the porosity of the fibres in the paper. This had to do with ink absorption. The smoothness was tested with a suction device and controlled by the amount of China Clay in the pulp, a very expensive ingredient.
Tensile strength was tested and this was also critical to the publishers. They did not want the paper tearing in the printing press. There was also an ash test where the paper sample was weighed, burned, and then weighed again, all on very sensitive and accurate scales that could not be touched with human hands because the oily residue from the fingerprint would skew the result. The brightness test determined how white the paper was and also measured the amount of dark fleck in the paper. Too much fleck in the paper meant the hydraulic de-barkers in the groundwood mill were leaving too much bark on the wood. The technical name for those specks of bark was "shit". Seriously!
The two high speed machines were both newsprint machines but the newer one was set up for making rotoprint. Rotoprint is the slightly higher quality and whiter newsprint that flyers inside the newspapers are made of. These machines ran at 2200 ft./min. Then there were the two ancient specialty machines that could make newsprint, but were making toilet tissue and butcher wrap the whole time I was there. There was more money in these products as the newsprint price was depressed during that period. These two machines ran much slower at 900 - 1000 ft/min.
The specialty machines were so old that the only way the speed could be measured was with a hand held tachometer. Twice a shift I had to measure their speed and it was the one job I did not relish. The tachometer was a dial with a rubber wheel attached. The idea was to hold the rubber wheel to the roll of paper as it was coming off the machine onto the winder and then take the highest reading on the dial. The problem was, there was an extreme amount of static electricity from the dry paper flying out of the machine. There was a metal guard rail in front of the machine and I had to put my feet against that and reach over to take the reading. I wore steel toed shoes and the static would course through my body, build until my hair was standing on end, and when the charge was full, would release through the steel in the shoes and arc over to the guard rail. It was a very uncomfortable feeling until you got used to it. With some practice, I could sense the moment when my body was fully charged and then walk away from the machine. I could release the electricity wherever I wished, to anything or anyone who was grounded. Touching some one's ear with a full charge would almost knock them off their feet and would bring howls of outrage. It was well known that when a paper tester was walking around with his hair standing on end, it was wise to stay clear.
Several months into my paper testing career, Richard, my trainer thought it was time to leave. Everyone loved to tease Richard because he was such a good sport and could dish it out as well as take it. We decided to throw a farewell for Richard on his last night shift. Those of us who knew him well and had lunch with him at work, knew that his favourite thing in all the world was chocolate cake. We all chipped in and bought a big fancy chocolate cake from the hotel bakery and brought it in to work that night. We gathered around to have our official farewell and goodbyes and that is when one of the guys brought out the cake and set it on the counter in the center of the lab. He walked up to it, his eyes as big as saucers, and not knowing what to say, stood over it and just stared. Suddenly, someone from behind grabbed the back of his head and pushed his face forward, deeply into the cake. I, for one, did not know if this had been planned or not, but was shocked to see it happen. Richard's face remained embedded for a brief suspenseful moment, and then he raised his head. With both hands he scraped the icing out of his eyes, opened them wide, and with a look of both shock and ecstasy, said, "I guess Chocolate Cake!" We all roared with laughter and approval. It was typical Richard.