Thursday, May 20, 2010

Laughable


Hey Girls, we're moving to the city!

That 'green' and left leaning Vancouver City Council is providing us with a really good laugh these days. In case you did not catch it, they have set up a committee, came up with recommendations, and passed a motion that will set in place the ability of city residents to have chickens in their back yards. When my wife was a young kid growing up in the heart of South Vancouver her dad had chickens under the back steps, as did many immigrants. Their purpose was to provide free eggs to feed to their hungry kids. Too many were doing it and it was soon banned. The reasons were noise, odour, disease, and rats.
Now, in the name of sustainability, chickens will be allowed and none of the aforementioned problems will be an issue, because now it is politically correct.
The report is high comedy and if you wish, you can read it here. http://vancouver.ca/ctyclerk/cclerk/20100408/documents/penv3.pdf Four chickens will be allowed per household, but hens only, no roosters. Apparently the Db (around 60) of a cackling hen is no more or less than a human in conversation. So, no noise. Of course, these chickens will have rights, just as humans do. These rights are listed in the report and the by-law draft. There will be $20,000.00 set aside to build a homeless shelter for abandoned chickens. (Hey, I don't write this stuff, I only report it) They estimate the vet bills, vitamins and feed will be more than $400.00 per year, for the chicken owners, and that would buy 70 cartons of Organic eggs. I could go on, but you can read the report yourself.
This whole thing brings up a few issues.
If it is hens only, is that not sexist? Will there not be a whole host of roosters out there feeling rejected and having low self esteem. It will lead to their untimely deaths as they will be useless and that is a travesty. Do they not have equal opportunity to live and enjoy life like a hen? Just asking.
And what about this homeless chicken shelter? Will it have more amenities than a human homeless shelter? Who gets the eggs from the hens in the shelter? What ultimately happens to those hens? Will they be adopted out? Will they be slaughtered? Will they be given hot coffee and a blanket on those cold winter nights?
A chicken owner will not be allowed to slaughter his or her own hens but will have to bring them to a slaughter house. As if that is going to happen. The chickens have to be treated humanely in life and in death. No chopping off the head, but a dislocation of the neck vertebrae is the rule.
This citified chicken ranching is going to be a fad for a while and then like the cute bunnies at Easter, they will be out to free range. I can see it now, neighbourhoods overrun with wild and abandoned chickens, terrorizing domesticated cats and lap dogs with clucking and pecking. Eggs rolling with reckless abandon down the sidewalks. Chicken poop thicker than chewing gum on the walkways, and with time, a new bylaw making it illegal to own a chicken within city limits. Only then will I stop laughing.

1 comment:

Eric Vogt said...

An entertaining and fascinating read Terry. The title says it all.